Weakness Is Just Alright

2Cor. 12:9 And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

This is all I want - the power of Christ to dwell in me. The best part about being crushed is that weakness is all you have left. If not for His power, I am certain I couldn't breath. Without His grace I couldn't face my mistakes. I've made some big ones. Without His love I couldn't tolerate this existence. But He is so faithful.

Thank you for your prayers regarding last Sunday's debut worship time. It had been a year away from music ministry - but the Lord blessed me personally by surrounding me with wonderful, godly thoughts and supportive friends and family. Frankly, it was a miracle for me. I experienced His nearness afresh and it put a new kind of joy in my heart. It has been so long since I've tasted some freedom from the overwhelming grief. For two thirty minute sets on Sunday, the Lord let me exist in a place I've missed so very much. Unlike any other worship time, even private ones - there is something utterly special and unique about leading and participating in a corporate worship setting. I suppose this is so because it's in that time there is no more rehearsal - no more analysis - just pure execution of the will to worship - with no opportunity to evaluate. Just worship - no distractions. Just hearts emptying themselves and honoring Christ in unison.

Once again God has used music as a means of healing me. (Your were so right, Lubbs.) Thank you all for praying for me.

Thank you for that milestone, Lord. Thank you, sweet Jesus, for your love.

First Post of 2007

Hi Friends,

I hope this finds you well. January '07 being past tense, I thought it was to time post. The truth is, I have always maintained that if I didn't have anything beneficial to write, I wouldn't post at all. January has been blessed - but it has been a very, very difficult period.

The contrasts are acute. There are three of me inside my head. Me #1 is only able to look back. This one struggles with anything now or future. He is the one who digs through photos, always reminiscing, trying to stay connected to the past with my dearest. This one can't throw out Jody's old empty shampoo bottle.

Me #3 is future man. This one is trying to move on - preparing for the future - and focuses on finishing things, sorting things, reallocating and fixing things. Pragmatically and systematically trying to move on.

Me #2 is the one you see. Paralyzed. A deer in the headlights - living in the moment one moment at a time - with little ability to cope with waking up, going to sleep, being alone etc. All I can say is that - inside - I have never been more tender or broken. I miss my lover so very very much.

The Lord is showing me so much about His compassion. It is constant - blessing my heart via the Word - and my dear friends & family. I am so grateful.

Music has been a very healing factor in my life. I have written three new songs in January, and have been doing lots of recording. Almost every night something is happening musically. This has been such an important part of my healing and recovery - God is totally near and is blessing - especially as I sink deeper into reality about how life is to be without my precious wife.

Jody's grave marker has been laid. It is beautiful. As I've posted before, her body awaits it's resurrection at Forest Lawn Hollywood Hills; Courts of Remembrance; #2409 if you wish to visit.

I have been blessed to be working with amazing people in a new worship ministry - "Coram Deo Worship". Our first service of worship in the church will be the 11th of this month in our fellowship group "Mainstream". It's a huge step - but it will be made surrounded by loving friends. Please pray for this time! I desire only that Christ be exalted!

Thank you for praying for me!