First Post of 2007

Hi Friends,

I hope this finds you well. January '07 being past tense, I thought it was to time post. The truth is, I have always maintained that if I didn't have anything beneficial to write, I wouldn't post at all. January has been blessed - but it has been a very, very difficult period.

The contrasts are acute. There are three of me inside my head. Me #1 is only able to look back. This one struggles with anything now or future. He is the one who digs through photos, always reminiscing, trying to stay connected to the past with my dearest. This one can't throw out Jody's old empty shampoo bottle.

Me #3 is future man. This one is trying to move on - preparing for the future - and focuses on finishing things, sorting things, reallocating and fixing things. Pragmatically and systematically trying to move on.

Me #2 is the one you see. Paralyzed. A deer in the headlights - living in the moment one moment at a time - with little ability to cope with waking up, going to sleep, being alone etc. All I can say is that - inside - I have never been more tender or broken. I miss my lover so very very much.

The Lord is showing me so much about His compassion. It is constant - blessing my heart via the Word - and my dear friends & family. I am so grateful.

Music has been a very healing factor in my life. I have written three new songs in January, and have been doing lots of recording. Almost every night something is happening musically. This has been such an important part of my healing and recovery - God is totally near and is blessing - especially as I sink deeper into reality about how life is to be without my precious wife.

Jody's grave marker has been laid. It is beautiful. As I've posted before, her body awaits it's resurrection at Forest Lawn Hollywood Hills; Courts of Remembrance; #2409 if you wish to visit.

I have been blessed to be working with amazing people in a new worship ministry - "Coram Deo Worship". Our first service of worship in the church will be the 11th of this month in our fellowship group "Mainstream". It's a huge step - but it will be made surrounded by loving friends. Please pray for this time! I desire only that Christ be exalted!

Thank you for praying for me!